Anxiety

She grabs my the neck and squeeze it tight,

I struggle to breathe.

My body shakes - I feel so weak.

She pushes me hard against the wall

Tears fills up my eyes,

But I refuse to cry.

I scream at her to stop,

She only holds my neck tighter.

I fight my best fight

But that only makes her grip even tighter.

She enters my mind and tells me I am useless.

She tells me I have messed up so many great opportunities.

She tells me I am nothing.

She tells me I will always be nothing.

I try to push her away but she is stronger than me.

So much stronger…

I am losing this fight.

So I stop moving.

I focus on my breathing,

trying to relax my muscles,

Trying to relax my mind.

She is strong,

I want to cry.

But after a while she loosens up her grip over me.

Her voice begins to lose shape

I hear my own voice now

"stay calm, it will be okay" I tell myself.

She is like a demon.

An evil that lives inside of me,

Who tortures me.

Often she shows up without unnoticed, uninvited...

Or perhaps it is I who is too distracted to notice her steps towards me.

My heart beat slows down.

My throat stops being so tight.

I look around and remind myself I am safe.

The threat is only inside my head.

Written: 17/10/2021